I’ve already spoken at length about the race, and exactly what on during my 19 hours at the race. If you haven’t read it, you can here:
The question becomes, what else could I have to say?
This race has messed with my head, big time. I’ve had so many ups and downs emotionally because of it.
There are days when I am fine with it, knowing that after 19 hours I gave that mountain everything I had to give.
At the same time, I have struggled with my decision to pull myself from the race. Had I just thought the task out a bit further, maybe tied some ropes around the boards I could have made it. There had to be another way, other guys got those things up the mountain, why couldn’t I?
There are times that I am so flippin’ angry with myself, and the self loathing runs rampant. I GAVE UP!
It’s funny how the mind works, isn’t it? Because after a few breaths, after more reflection, I realize that what I did was a HUGE accomplishment. I look back at the person I was before this race and see a man who was afraid to face his fears. I see a man that was so set in his ways, change was the last thing on my mind. If you see me at a race, you will see a name on the back of my jersey, “ProcrastiN8”. Yeah, I always waited until the last minute, or wasted the time I had. I thought putting it on my jersey would be amusing, now it’s a fire that will burn inside.
I learned so many things about myself in that short time on the mountain. As time goes on, other things will present themselves, that I am sure. Will I struggle with the decision? Absolutely, I am sure of that.
I hope to use my experience as a catalyst for positive change. That means in my every day interactions. I will not let it consume me though, and I will not waste any more time on the what if’s.
Robin Sharma said it best:
“What separates the people who create great lives from those who don’t is how they use these hours. Most of us live as if we have an infinite amount of time to do all the things we know we must do to live a full and rewarding life. And so we procrastinate and put the achievements of our dreams on hold while we attend to those daily activities that fill up our days. This is a certain recipe for a life of regret.”
I do not want to regret a thing!