Trepidation, Fear and Confidence…
Yup, that’s what I can only sum up as the “Trifecta of Emotion” I am feeling right now.
A week from today I leave the comfort of home. The comfort of a nice warm bed. The comfort of my wife’s warm and loving embrace. The comfort I get when my children look at me with unbridled admiration. Well, maybe that last part is me just thinking they look at me that way, haha!
There are so many comforts I leave behind as I journey north to Pittsfield, VT.
This is the final year of the Death Race series, and 2015 is kicked off with the Winter version. I expect nothing but suffering, discomfort, hardship and maybe even some anguish. Not knowing when the race begins, when it ends or what the hell will happen in between those two points can make one go mad. I’ve teetered the edge of sanity for the past few days, as I realize how close it’s coming.
It wouldn’t be Death Race without some “off” items.
For instance, what the hell are we going to use the 3 condoms for? Or what need is there for construction ear cover?
Eye sleeping mask?
Why, for cripes sake, do we need to have knowledge of skydiving?
A week out and the race has begun. I’m sure others are over-thinking things like I am, it’s the Race Directors plan. They hit the mark because right now they are in my head.
While I speak of trepidation, it’s truly more of a “fear of the unknown” factor. I set a goal many months ago to go to this and attempt to compete. This is not like other races though. Yes, there is a winner, but it’s much more than that.
I think everyone wins. To have the intestinal fortitude to get on that mountain in the first place is a huge achievement. I’ve been talking to people about DR. As I purchase gear people have had questions why I am purchasing certain items. I explain why and their jaws hit the ground. They wonder who, in their right mind, would do something like this. They will never do it, they say. No one they know would ever do it, they forcefully emphasize. That is a success.
That is a win.
Behind all the fear is a bubbling confidence. Nothing boastful, as I have no right to do so. More assuredly, it’s a confidence that when I put my mind to something I see it through. My nutrition has been solid. It’s helped me train harder, when I have been. It’s helped me recover quicker. It’s on point.
While my training could have been ten fold better, I know that my body will not fail me. Well, minus the fact I cannot control the weather and temperature of Pittsfield, VT in January, my body will have to follow what I tell it.
For months you’ve heard me talking about how important the skull is to me. It’s really not it though, there is so much more. I’m looking for something. I am looking for the new me. I’ve heard from past DR vets that this is a life changing event. I need that.
I love my life, don’t get me wrong or interpret this any other way. I have a fantastically beautiful wife, three great kids, two chill cats, a team of friends and family that I can rely on for anything and a great job. I need the change though to help me prioritize a little differently. I go into this race with one goal, to come out another person. If the skull is in my hand after, bonus. I am confident that I will have a positive experience, that’s for sure.